Body Image
Jill Kane, Psy.D.
If there are any women out there who are not concerned about their body image, I have yet to meet them. Michelle wants abs of steel, Jess worries about her thighs, Cate won’t wear tank tops because she thinks her arms are too flabby, and Sandy swears she just can’t get her pre-baby body back. Regardless of reality, they all think they are overweight. They exercise religiously, diet strenuously, and refuse to eat fatty foods, carbs, and sweets. They spend money on dieter’s tea, dieting pills, herbal remedies, and protein drinks. Some days they restrict their food intake, other days they eat and drink normally. Some emotionally eat; others don’t do anything and just feel bad about themselves. Nobody feels good in a bathing suit.
Sound familiar? A multi-billion dollar industry is glad to know that most adult women, teenage girls, and a growing number of very young girls are worried about their weight. The industry is delighted that people will spend quite a bit of money striving for some ideal body type that may or may not be possible (men and boys are also victims to this mentality). Although standards of beauty can change, throughout modern history thin is in and fat is worse than a four-letter word. Interestingly, reality has little impact on perceived body image – meaning, that most people do not view themselves accurately and rarely have a positive view of their bodies.
Body image is a term that describes how you picture the size and shape of your body and your attitude about what you see. Regardless of actual size, someone can have a positive or negative view of their body and thus a positive or negative view about themselves. Body image is actually quite a complex issue that is not well understood by psychologists and other researchers. There are so many variables that influence how people see themselves and others, that it is impossible to know exactly how to help someone improve their self-image. For example, how we view our bodies can change depending on cultural norms, self esteem, eating behaviors, mood variables, social interaction, and activity level (and probably other issues as well).
Creating a positive body image is challenging, in part, because of cultural and societal attitudes toward thinness. The ubiquitous “thin is in” mentality is supported by the media. Many television shows, for example, have thin actors and actresses portraying favorable qualities, while the heavier actors (and its hard to find a heavy actress on TV) play the goofy and /or passive characters. Magazines, too, suggest that to be beautiful one must be not only thin, but emaciated. This attitude trickles down to very young children. There was a famous study done in the 1970s (Kirkpatrick & Sanders) on children as young a preschool who were shown pictures of heavy kids and normal-sized kids. The plump kids were said to look “unfriendly, unpopular, and sloppy” and the thinner kids were perceived as “nice, kind, smart and friendly.”
As it turns out, women who are more physically active tend to have a more positive self-image – regardless of weight or clothing size. This means that a “thin” looking woman who wears a size two may feel worse about herself than a physically active “bigger” woman who wears a size 10 or more. Women who meditate are also more likely to have a positive self-image. Physical exercise and meditation, however, are only small pieces of a complex puzzle.
No one is suggesting you eat nothing but jelly doughnuts, drink heavily and watch TV all day. But good health and a positive body image are not the same things. Regardless of what you eat, how you feel, whether you exercise, or what you wear – a positive body image has little relationship to your physical self. A positive body image is really just a healthy attitude about you, which can exist regardless of body size. It might surprise you that attaining your “ideal weight” has little correlation with how you will feel about yourself. An index of your self -esteem is far more important than any BMI (body mass index) scale. There is a pervasive fantasy that “if I only lose 5, 10, or 50 lbs, I will be happy, I will have more friends, my marriage will improve etc.” The reality is that thin women are just as unhappy about how they look as heavy women. It’s a rare person who feels good about how they look on a day-to-day basis.
So, what to do?
Take a walk.
Seek out supportive, positive people.
Language (self talk) is important: think about the words you use to describe yourself…substitute negative words with positive ones.
Think about what you enjoy doing and do it.
Stop reading magazines that promote unrealistic (and airbrushed) images of women.
Critique television, movies, magazines etc. as you watch. Notice who is portrayed positively and who is portrayed negatively. You may be surprised (or maybe not).
Volunteer or get politically active – contributing to society promotes feelings of well being.
Find a group of people who share your interests – book club, cooking class, parenting group, walking group, etc.
Make a list of what you want you want to try and go ahead and try them one by one.
Meditate.
Be a role model for your kids. They learn by watching and listening. Give them compliments daily. Speak kindly to yourself, about yourself. Offer your kids healthy snacks. Play tag, chase, and other active games. Take them for hikes (after all, a hike is really just a walk in a pretty place).
And, as always, if you think your views of yourself make you feel depressed, sad, anxious or just plain badly or if your poor self image is negatively impacting your parenting and/or children, seek counseling.
